Thoughts on a prayer... 'Wandering Soul'

Christian,… Yet,.. I wrote my own bible.. Followed my own christ.. Taught my own teachings,.. Lived my own life, did whatever made me feel fine, satisfied and accepted by others and by myself. In short, I did what I wanted anyway… Regardless,.. Anyway, it is all about me, myself and I.... I was nothing different to this world. I was supposed to be light in the dark,... The salt that gives flavor to life and stimulate buds to a better taste of a better life... Who am I now? What am I? What am I supposed to be??

I sought my selfishness and greediness... My wants and desires overwhelmed my being. My evil deeds created the barrier between me and the creator. Left lonely, on a highway of crossed roads. Blocked are all my U-turns... Now I am tired of walking on my own. So thirsty and dizzy. I am begging for a ride in the opposite direction... No friend or a mate to tell. Everyone is going on his own…. No one to talk to, nobody to complain to... Coz nobody listens any more… I wish I consumed my bare feet on a right direction. Maybe I could have found my destination earlier, before my knees met the sand and my sweat fed the desert out of my fatigue... My burdens over my back grew me older everyday.. My tears drilled down my cheeks and hurt my eyes. The scars on my eyelids are much bearable than those in my heart….

No way there is no way... right..?? .... Is anybody out there to shout to?? Or all my friends are gone?? Were they all fake?? ... Is there a refuge to knock on its doors?? Is there a reason to hang on to life….?? Where is the life in my life??....

O’ Lord!! Are you still there?? Do you still value me like before?? Will you listen to my voice and mind my numb throat?? Or have you forsaken your once beloved child?? If like a rude kid, I raised my voice in Your face.. If I refused Your blessings… and let down Your kind hands… If I forgot how you used to carry me over the hills and calm the storms in me.. Yet do not turn your face away from me Lord. You are my only winning chance… You are the Father.. You are the Friend.. You are my God.. You are the King.

I trust your ways.. I believe in your mercy... I will hold on to you… Coz it is you and only you who can make the change in me. You are the reason that I am here… I am turning back to You…


Dear Lord, if you still find any good in me, please don’t let go.
I am shouting my ever remaining breaths out to You… Amen.

Andy...